Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Welp...herpes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize