A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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