So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
