My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
