I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
