I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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