I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
