I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
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