Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he just fucked me for my cheese.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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