I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
