Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
