Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
