tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she peed on how many people?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
