ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
