this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
