i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
