Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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