So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
