then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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