I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
