I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize