i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
