someone threw a dead crab at me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
