I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
