there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
