they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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