i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
