How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
