Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
