I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
