in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Come on in and take your pants off
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