in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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