so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize