How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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