I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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