you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
