the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
