My hair reeks of homosexuality.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize