i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
