while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize