When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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