spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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