bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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