Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
