Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
