I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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