Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
