well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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