I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
