k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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