Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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