just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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