What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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