I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
