SEEEEXXX PLEASE
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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