these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize