I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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