I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
