ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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