i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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