My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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