i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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