i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
