Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
