The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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