I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize