Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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